Today I did two facials and a pedicure. I came home feeling empty and am now wondering what the meaning of life is. There are many beautiful things that people have offered on the internet to help those desperate souls who type "what is the meaning of life?" into Google on a Wednesday night. It's inspiring that people reach out to help one another through this electronic medium. Humans, despite their many faults, possess great inner beauty and in my opinion, the greatest of these are hope and love. It's sweet that people believe in the meaning of life enough to help others find it. I am awed by my Mother's hope sometimes; when the world seems so void of better horizons or meaning, she always brings the sunrise back into view for me. Her love is limitless. What a joy it would be to find a life partner like that! And yet I don't have one - many close calls - but never the right one. Sometimes the loneliness nearly gnaws my insides out, especially living in a city where I know nearly no one and have limited opportunities to meet people. But she believes that someday I will and I certainly hope so. Life takes so many strange twists and turns. I am always surprised to see that just when I think life has become stagnant (the big voice above says "and this is where it stops, Julia..."), it changes into something I had never expected. I hope it changes a good lot more and evolves into something I am happy and satisfied. And they say "be happy in the here and now". I do a pretty good job of that on a day to day basis. But the fact is, I can't help craving the proximity of family or the desire to be blissfully happy with a significant other and perhaps children; to have good friends around. Maybe to get a pedicure once in awhile!? (I've only done about 20 so far this week!?) The way many of us live, single as adults, in strange cities and wondering how to connect with others is, I suppose, a common human experience. Still, our tribal ancestral conditioning and likely our very natures make this a difficult way of life. That is why people get married, stay in their hometown and work in the same jobs from day to day: there is security and happiness in community. Yet there are many who stray the path like I have. And nothing seems clear. "Hello out there! Are there any like me!?" Ah. Well. There are indeed many things to be thankful for in this life. I made a good many people feel excellent today and am grateful for that. There is also a soul to life, like a vein that runs through the centre, creating a connection between all the disparate events in one's life and whispering meaning. And I am grateful for that too.